The Day the Squirrels took Revenge
by Queen of Spades9
Summary: Okay, guys. This is REALLY funny. Harry Potter steps on a squirrel's tail. Read this exciting story about how the squirrels plot revenge. Read both chapters! Second is better than the first!
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: Harry Potter and Hogwarts belongs to J.K Rowling, but Pinkie the Squirrel and all his Squirrel buddies belongs to me. Dont steal.   
  
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It all started one day when Harry Potter got bored. It was a Saturday afternoon at Hogwarts and he had nothing to do.   
  
Harry had been stuck in the 5th year for three years now. Harry had usually been a good student, but he had requested to stay behind. Graduating bored him. After all, this was the only place he had been truly happy. His friends, however, were long gone. Instead of holding back, Hermione Granger had skipped ahead and Ron Weasly had simply dropped out of school to join his two older brothers in opening a joke shop. So, for the moment, Harry was alone.  
  
He decided to go for a walk. Grabbing his cloak, he dashed down the Griffyndor corridor and through the grand hall. Out on the grounds, Harry paused briefly to say hello to the squid that lived in the lake, and headed off to the Forbidden Forest.  
  
Harry had become great friends with the squid of Hogwarts. He spent hours at the lake's edge, talking to it. Lately people had been giving him quizzical regards, so he had taken to wearing his Coat of Invisibility. Harry spent hours on end chatting pointlessly about the most retarded of subjects. He was well aware that the squid wasn't listening, but that was besides the point.   
  
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Pinkie the squirrel was having a normal day. Bouncing around in the trees, annoying the Unicorns, eating and collecting nuts. While digging a hole to bury his prized stash in, he was deeply, DEEPLY startled when a boy came and stomped on his tail! The boy was wearing a Hogwarts scarf. Yes, thought Pinkie. It must be that trouble-making school again. Numerous times, mischievous students had come invading his snooze hour giggling and looking all fussed up about something. Anyway, his tail was sore now, and Pinkie wanted revenge.  
  
He rounded up his gang of squirrel and chipmunk friends and told them his plan.   
  
A minute later, Pinkie and friends had gathered in a bush, watching Harry's every move. "Okay, it's affirmative. He suspects nothing." Pinkie took a moment to laugh insanely. Some of his rodent friends started to back away nervously. "So, when I say so, Perky and the others will lead the leg attack. All you have to do is scratch on his legs as hard as you can. Chippy, stop acting like a turdmonkey. I know perhaps you're all a little nervous. Squeakie, you and the rest can pelt him-HARD-with our backup supply of acorns. And I myself will take the pleasure of gouging his eyes out!"  
  
"Uh, sir, you know the Squirrel's code of conduct. We are not allowed to touch the human's eyes. It will most certainly cause a war between the two races. You do not want to be held responsible, do you?" A knowledgeable squirrel enquired.   
  
Slightly disappointed, Pinkie said: "Very well, carry on with the attack. THREE TWOONEATTACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
And after that, all was a blur of flying acorns and biting, scratching squirrels. Hours later Harry emerged from the forest, vowing never, ever to go into that forest again. And for weeks to come Harry stayed locked up in Gryffindor Tower , muttering about the squirrels. 


	2. The Squirrel Aftermath

Disclaimer: All the characters in this story belong to J.K Rowling of the Harry Potter Books.  
  
Due to Harry's tragic (tear* tear*) encounter with the rabid squirrels, he was apparently driven partially insane. During mealtimes, he would scream and duck under the tables. Besides that, however, nobody noticed a thing.   
  
But one day Harry exploded. The squirrels had poisoned his mind. He suspected the squirrels were plotting against him. And, he thought that Draco Malfoy was part of their scheme. So, one day Harry saw him in the hall and screamed.  
  
"AAAH! It's you, you evil, evil, evil squirrel-worshipper!" Harry screamed. Malfoy looked too stunned to say a thing.  
  
"Don't look so cute, Draco you scumbucket. I know you're plotting against me. I can see it. I hear you whispering. I'm not stupid, you know," Harry screeched. Maybe not stupid but crazy definitely.  
  
Malfoy slowly started to back away, but Harry called him back.  
  
"I'm not finished with you, you little----(inaudible mumbling.)" Harry was chanting "row your boats" in a sinister tone now, and it was scaring the bejeezus out of our dear little friend Malfoy. He started to run.  
  
"NOT SO FAST!" Called Harry. "Gluify!" And surprisingly Malfoy stayed glued to the spot at Harry's absured spell.  
  
Harry started circling around Draco. "Now," he said. "you will tell me everything you've been planning with those - squirrels," Harry said. He moaned the last word with such fear and loath and disgust and agony that Malfoy started whimpering and proceeded to wet his pants. Oh, poor him.  
  
"Y-you're insane," Draco squealed. "Help me! You're insane!"  
  
There was a crowd around the two by now, but nobody was doing anything. Probably out of shock, or not wanting anything to do with a 15-year-old boy who was wetting his pants.  
  
Harry chuckled. "Insane? Nonsense. Dont be absured. All I want is for your little -friends," (again, agony and pain), "to LEAVE- ME-ALONE!!!!!" And with those last fierce words Harry crumpled on the floor and started shivering and twitching, sobbing all the while.  
  
(By the way, I have no idea where all the teachers are at this point, but that's besides the point.)  
  
Harry got to his feet, a mental gleam in his eye. "So, are you gonna tell me or not, huh, weasel-boy?" Harry cried with glee. If I didn't know better, this whole thing seemed to be amusing him.  
  
"I-dont-know... what you're talking about!" Squealed Malfoy.  
  
Harry looked truly hurt, for some reason. "LIAR!!!!! You lie to me!!! Oh, WHY do you lie??" See what I mean? Psy-cho!  
  
Somebody, a courageous Prefect, bent down to comfort Harry.  
  
"DONT-touch me. STAY AWAY FROM ME! STAY AWAY! DONT COME NEAR ME!" Harry screeched. Still, no professors. At this point Harry started talking to himself in a hushed, maniacal voice. "Yes, they're in on it. They're ALL in on it. AREN'T YOU? HUH???"  
  
Malfoy found his voice. "What's wrong with you, Potter? What are we all in on?"  
  
Harry screamed terribly. "YOU BEAST! YOU COWARD! You TURDMONKEY! YOU BOZO! YOU SHAMOO! YOU- YOU - VENTRILOQUEST!"  
  
(Okay, so maybe the ventriloquist had nothing to do with it, but what the heck.)  
  
"Dont act so innocent! THE SQUIRRELS! They're coming! I know it! I can feel them watching me! The'll come for me!!!" He grabbed a scared-looking first-year's leg and said confidentially, "Don't let them get you, too!" And once again he burst into sobs. "Curse you all! I turn you into an eggplant! And you! And you! And you!" so where three kind Prefects had been a moment ago, three fat eggplants appeared. One quivered and turned into a kumquat; Harry had never been too good with spells.  
  
Finally, in come the professors. "All right, clear the area! Filch, clean up this mess," Professor McGonagall said in a harsh tone. "Now, Harry, come with me. There are no squirrels where we're going,"  
  
As you may have already guessed, Harry spent the rest of his life in an English mental institution. And the eggplants-well, thats another story. 


End file.
